May 16th, 2011. Our whole life has been partially defined by this date and this moment…And so starts our so called crazy life…
This day started out as a normal day my wife and I were hopeful that all of the testing that we (she) had been through would bring us to a conclusion, or an answer, to the question…When are we having a baby? We were cautiously optimistic, or at least I was, but I know Mariann knew otherwise..
We have been trying to get pregnant for about 3 years now and have been preparing for this moment since the beginning of our lives together. One never thinks about potential problems with things related to nature and baby making one just thinks that it will happen when it happens (boy were we wrong). I have always pictured us as parents and know that this will be something that will take a lot of work and resilience, but will happen.
We sat down with Dr Patel and he was totally blown away with the news that he was about to give us..
He did not think that the results of the last test would show what he saw…Diminished Ovarian Reserve,
WTF…A 37 year old healthy Female with eggs of a 45 year old woman…How could that possibly be? In an instant our whole lives changed at that very moment…Being faced with the possibility that we may not be able to conceive a baby because the egg supply is so low 10% chance at best!!! And time is running out.
After that appointment it took me a while to absorb all of the information that had been presented to us. In my head I was thinking why am I not crying about this, why am I not sad about this? What is the matter with me????? I did try my best to hold things together, but I did wind up sobbing loudly for quite some time that day..The thought of a donor egg as a substitute for our own biological kid would not happen…This would forever be devastating to Mariann and really not fair to her either so this is not even a discussion.
Exhausted and frustrated we headed to the Internet in search for answers to what could possibly be going on and what others are doing about similar situations..Are all hopes gone, did we miss our chance? Stay tuned to find out.
May 17, 2011 ~
Day two of the craziness…
I got up and went about my daily routine..I was depressed and sad, but tried to get back to May 15t, but really the day felt like ground hog’s day..As the prior day is running through my head still..The possibility that we may or may not be parents…Shortly after coming into work I knew something was up, Mariann was home and hopeless still crying and absorbing..Frantically searching for answers and solutions…I was so sad that I came home from work immediately…Let’s be honest who can work at a time like this? I knew it was important for neither of us to be alone on that day..
Again, we sulked and talked about scenarios and what if’s and what we should do BLAH BLAH BLAH…more crying etc.. back to Internet for more news…
May 22th, ~ A glimmer of hope ~ News that this a clinic in New Jersey that handles cases just like Mariann’s so we are happy that there still may be hope….We find out that as a Fluke some lady started taking DHEA a male hormone that helped her with fertility…Doctors were stunned and started their own study and now recommend this to all patient’s that are having issues with diminished ovarian reserve…
What do we do now, do we go to NJ, do we go out and get those pills? All these thoughts go through our head, Meanwhile, we are getting more and more hopeful that we have a solution to the problem, or at least I hope..I know it may be a long shot, but at this point, what do we have to lose? By now, Mariann and I have talked and we are both trying to stay positive about the future especially with the pills now in hand and armed with more information…Acupuncture may help too and there is a specialist that deals with fertility specifically…Now all of a sudden we go from no options, to now 2 more possible options…
We are hopeful that God will bless us with a little one. We are more positive now than ever. Boy did we take things for granted…We were not prepared for a baby up until now..Each day that goes by we get one step closer to the next step…The next step is wait for a non-existent period that comes and goes like a mad teenager defying its parents..We are anxious to start the process of fertility medication and IUI possibly…All we are waiting on is Aunt Flow and her Amber colored liquid to hurry up and move in for the month…Well, she partially started her move today, but she is slow and spotty at best. This Aunt has been one of the most stubborn Aunt’s we have had to deal with…Get here already…
May 23rd, more of the same not much to report…Mariann broke down and sobbed during Hot Yoga…It was a release that I think she more than needed…I let out anger, sadness, and frustration on the kickboxing bag…That felt good..nice dinner at Pita Jungle… Still no sign of Flo…that Bitch!!
May 24th, ~ Aunt Flo is still not quite here…Eventful day though for Mariann and this is where the glimmer of hope starts our life over again…Day two of the DHEA…Appointment with the Psychic…Yes, I know it sounds corny, but it’s an intuitive thing..you would not understand…The Psychic had a lot of positive things to offer to add to the hope..We are putting it out there that we will have a little one soon and start envisioning it NOW….Something stands out about August 12th?????? Could it be date of conception…? Some birthdate or something…Not sure what..More hope on the horizon..I have an interview with another school today and Mariann is visiting with the Acupuncturist today…
From today forward…We are committing to seeing the baby growing and living with us..Knowing that possibly on the 2nd attempt we will be successful with making our baby..This is encouraging..
May 25th, ~ Aunt Flo has arrived..yea..finally..Acupuncture hurt bad, but went well Mariann thinks that it relieved something and help with her full flow. Still taking the DHEA..Called Dr Patel office has appt for Clomid Cycle Test and this will determine what kind of success she can have with injectibles..Also a U/S to see what happens. Take clomid for 5 days then re test the FSH and blood levels...Etc..
I am visioning my daughter with brown hair and pig tales and my son with a gap in his front teeth like his mother had...
May 31st, Day 4 of Clomid and the she can feel the effects of it in her ovaries. This is good news!! Appointment with Dr Patel on Saturday to do a post Clomid blood test. We are looking for lots of folicles this time..I am confident we will get the results we are hoping for. If the folicles look good then we will proceed with insemination on Monday June 6th...And so continues our so called crazy life. The anticipation of waiting is killing us..We want this more than ever. Wednesday another accupunture treatment as Mariann has responded well to the first treatment.
To be continued.............
I am visioning my daughter with brown hair and pig tales and my son with a gap in his front teeth like his mother had...
May 31st, Day 4 of Clomid and the she can feel the effects of it in her ovaries. This is good news!! Appointment with Dr Patel on Saturday to do a post Clomid blood test. We are looking for lots of folicles this time..I am confident we will get the results we are hoping for. If the folicles look good then we will proceed with insemination on Monday June 6th...And so continues our so called crazy life. The anticipation of waiting is killing us..We want this more than ever. Wednesday another accupunture treatment as Mariann has responded well to the first treatment.
To be continued.............
